The Nice-ne Creed of Evangelicalism

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And the third day He rose again, so we can sing this really nice hymn, “He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today!” together with all kinds of nice people whom we see in church twice a year.

(With apologies to the Council of Nice-a)

Eastern Orthodox icon depicting the First Council of Nicea (325 A.D.)

I believe in one God, the Father of niceness, Maker of the nicest heaven and earth, and of all things nice and cordial.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all ages; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by Whom all things were made. These are very nice things to say, but I don’t get it, because the Old Testament Father did not seem to be as nice as the New Testament Son, Who was so nice he came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit through a nice virgin, and was made man; however, because He wasn’t very nice to His fellow Jews, He was crucified also for us under a not-so-nice Pontius Pilate, and suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, so we can sing this really nice hymn,

He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way.
He lives! He lives! Salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives?
He lives within my heart.

together with all kinds of nice people whom we see in church twice a year; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father of niceness; and because I am nice, He shall come again to secretly and gloriously (?) rapture me, and to judge the living and the dead (uh-oh, that’s not going to be nice); Whose nice kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Spirit, the nice Lord and Giver of life; Who—although not so nice for Eastern Orthodox types—proceeds from the Father and the Son; Who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and regarded nicely; Who spoke by the prophets who foretold some not-so-nice things about God’s people. And I believe one nice catholic Church (even if the Inquisition wasn’t very nice). I acknowledge repeated baptisms each time I recommit my life to Jesus, and as long as I have not been immersed as an adult as a testimony before my nice church of the remission of my not-so-nice sins after I have reached the age of accountability.

And I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the coming millennium together with nice evangelicals singing, “Celebrate, Jesus, Celebrate!” But after the very nice millennium, millions of people will not be nice, and will be destroyed by a not-so-nice God after a second Fall. Amen.

On the serious side, you can read here some historical and doctrinal notes on the Nicene Creed published by Immanuel Protestant Reformed Church in Lacombe, Alberta, Canada. Here’s an excerpt:

The Nicene Creed was written against the Arian heresy. This heresy is still taught by cults such as the Jehovah’s Witnesses, through they in fact neither know Jehovah nor are true witnesses of him. One of the marks of the lie of Satan is falsifying the text of scripture and what it says. This is what the cults do with John 1:1, which is one of the many plain statements of Jesus’ divine glory. It may serve to illustrate an important point.

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